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Let it joke, let it joke, let it joke!

Snow’s on the ground, laughs all around…
—–

A guy goes to the doctor because his knee is swollen and very painful. After a brief chat, the doctor instructs the man to drop his pants so he can examine the knee.

The doctor examines the guy’s knee for a moment, looking at it from all angles. He finally looks up at the guy and says, “Well, I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but you’re going to have to stop masturbating.”

“What? Why?” asks the guy.

“Because I’m trying to examine your knee.”

I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is “left over wine”?

So a man is crossing the border on a bike and he is holding a bucket filled with sand in his hand. He comes to the police officer and shows him his papers, everything looks good, but the police officer notices the bucket with sand.

“Whats that?” asks the police officer.

“Just sand, nothing special” says the man crossing the border.

The police officer takes a look in the bucket, dips his hand into the sand to see if he is hiding anything, and he doesn’t find anything and lets the man through.

A few days pass and the police officer sees the man on the bike with the bucket again. He senses that something is fishy with that bucket so he takes a real good look; shakes it, puts his whole hand in it and still, nothing. So he lets the man through again.

A few days pass and there he is again – the man riding the bike with the bucket. The police officer is fed up with the bucket at this point. He takes the bucket and throws all the sand on the ground, kicks it, does anything he can think of, and still nothing. He is so fed up he says, “Listen man, i’m sick of this, if you tell me what you are doing here every few days with a bucket of sand, whatever it is, be it smuggling drugs or anything, i’ll let you through, just for gods sake tell me what are you doing!”

The man looks at the police officer and smiles, “Smuggling bikes.”

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

Gloves!!

Just kidding… I don’t know what he got… he hasn’t opened it yet!

34meme edible

One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night.” the mailman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, “Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.”

The mailman thinks a moment and says, “How do you play that?”

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our “privates” showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The mailman laughs and says, “Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

“Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up four or five times.”

I’ve just been reading that, by law, you have to turn your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden.

And I’m thinking, “Who the fuck’s going to let me know when it’s raining in Sweden?”

A college professor always started off his lectures by telling an obscene and drity joke to the students.

Finally, two girls got fed up with this and decided to walk out of the classroom the next time he did this. But the proffessor found out about this and the next day he came into his class and began, “Did any of you hear about the whore shortage in Indiana?”

Just then the two girls stomped out of the room.

The proffessor called to them, “Wait girls, the train doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

My 7-year-old nephew showed me with pride the “telephone” he had just made from a string and two tin cans…

I pulled out my cellphone and said, “That’s nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!”

A while ago a new supermarket opened here in town. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mown hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions..

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies…….

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.

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2 Responses

  1. I appreciate and enjoy jokes but rarely laugh out loud at them.I’d only got to the end of the first one this morning and I was rolling in the aisles laughing. The cleaner in the supermarket was none too pleased.
    A great start ( well, after 4 hours) to the day thanks Steve.
    Hugs

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