Springtime jokes!

Warning: These jokes have nothing to do with springtime. Sorry for the confusion. As an apology, here’s a belly laugh or two

A little boy visiting a farm ran to his mother. “Mom, I just saw the rooster mate 10 times this morning!”

The mother snorted. “Go tell your dad, he’ll understand.”

So the kid runs to his father. “Dad, mom said to tell you this morning the rooster mated 10 times. She said you would understand.”

The father nods knowingly. “Were the 10 times with the same chicken?”


“Go tell your mom, she’ll understand…”

What’s yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

A kid gets hit by the chubby neighborhood lady and the mother wants some explanations.

“Why did you hit my son?”

“Because he doesn’t have any manners, he called me fat.”

“And you think by hitting him you’re gonna lose weight?”

I hate Auto Correct. I just texted my grandma for Sex tonight by mistake.

I meant ‘Tomorrow’.

After two weeks on a desert island with only each other for company, Bob and Jeff are getting horny.

“Look,” says Bob, “Neither of us are gay, but if you pretend to be a women for me, when I’m done, I’ll pretend to be a woman for you.”

Jeff reluctantly agrees and suffers 10 minutes of painful humiliation as Bob fucks him up the ass. When it’s over, Jeff asks Bob for his go.

“Fuck off,” Bob replies, “I’ve got a headache.”

My wife has insisted that she will not do anal until I have.

So I nailed her sister up the ass. Her move.

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

“Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand.

“Yes?” said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

If God didn’t want us to masturbate he would have made our arms shorter.

Maybe that’s why the T-rex was always so angry.


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