• The President Killed His Wife
  • Counterblow
  • Never Bloodless
  • The Atomic Eagle
  • Sigma Division
  • The Kennedy Secret
  • The Gilded Treachery
  • Histats

Ready, get set, laugh!

We shall start the new year with a hefty dose of laughter.

When ordering Domino’s pizza online, it has the option to give the delivery driver special instructions.

Apparently “Pick me up a six-pack on your way over” wasn’t fucking special enough.

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa’s room.

“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “as soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”

“What?” said her Grandpa.

“Make a noise like a frog, because my mom said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Disney World!”

After surgery, a blonde woman said to her doctor, “So, when can my sex life go back to normal?”

The surgeon frowned. “That’s got to be the first time someone asks me that after tonsils removal.”

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?”

Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche.”

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, “I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette”

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, “I would want silicon.”

The teacher said, “Why Johnny?”

He responded by saying, “Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!”

What do you get if you hold a twenty dollar note between your chin and your chest?

A good impression of Stephen Hawking at a strip club.

Just before going to sleep, a young man turns to his new bride and asks, “Sweetheart, how many lovers did you have before me?”

There was no answer, only a long, long silence. Eventually, the husband came closer and whispered, “Sweetheart, are you sleeping?”

“No, I’m counting.”

I don’t have that much money. In fact, all the money I do make I end up giving away to Charity.

It’s a funny name for a stripper but she works hard for it and who am I to judge?

A guy found a penguin on the street so he goes to a policeman. “Officer, what should I do with this penguin?”

“You know, I’m no expert. I guess just take it to the zoo.”

The next day, the cop comes across the guy and the penguin again. “So, did you take it to the zoo?”

“Oh yes! He loved it, now I’m taking him to the movies!”

Advertisements

2 Responses

  1. Thanks Steve. So two of us are paying towards Charity eh?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: