• The President Killed His Wife
  • Counterblow
  • Never Bloodless
  • The Atomic Eagle
  • Sigma Division
  • The Kennedy Secret
  • The Gilded Treachery
  • Histats

Summer Fun Requires Summer Jokes

More laughs coming up!

——-

I’ve just seen an advertisement in my local newspaper:

ACCOUNTANT NEEDED!
$35,000 – $40,000

So I phoned them up and said, “The answer is -$5,000.”

My wife sidled up to me and leaned forward giving me a good look at her cleavage.

“Have you ever seen a twenty-dollar bill crumpled up in a very interesting way?” she asked.

“No”, I answered.

She gave me a sexy little smile, slowly reached deep into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled $20 bill.

“Have you ever seen a fifty-dollar bill all crumpled up?” she asked, and I shook my head.

She gave me another sexy little smile, reached under her dress into her panties and pulled out a crumpled $50 bill.

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen thirty thousand dollars all crumpled up?”

Intrigued, I slowly shook my head.

“Well,” she said, “go take a look in the garage…”

Women wake up yawning and men with an erection.

Coincidence?

I think not.

When I asked my girlfriend if I could fuck her in the ass, she looked at me with a wicked glint in her eye and said, “Baby, I’m happy to try anything you want me to, just so long as you’d be prepared to do it yourself… So, do you still want to fuck me in the ass?”

“Actually, I’ve changed my mind,” I replied. “I want you to have sex with your sister.”

I just explained Google images to my mom.

‘Pick anything to search for’, I said. She replied ‘What about a nice cream pie?’

‘Except that.’ I said.

A woman is standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A passing tramp stops and says, “Since you’re about to kill yourself, if you don’t mind, could we have sex please?”

The woman says, “No, fuck off.”

The tramp turns to leave and replies, “Fine, I’ll just go and wait at the bottom.”

Why does the government charge us postage to send in our tax returns? We have to pay them to pay them. It’s like giving a slice back to the pizza delivery guy. How about you just deduct 75 cents from what I already paid?

I woke up this morning at 8am and could smell something was wrong.

I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!

I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.

Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11.30.

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2 Responses

  1. Always there ready to brighten my day Steve. Thanks

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