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A plethora of jokes!

You need jokes, I provide jokes 😉

I met a blonde in a club last night and I asked, “What’s your name?”

“It’s K,” she replied.

“That’s sexy,” I said, “What’s it short for?”

She smiled and answered, “So I can spell it.”

I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, they remind me of some co-workers.

They all hang together, half of the fuckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.

A dog lover, whose dog was a female ‘in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbour`s male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as sometimes happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked on me,” he replied.

My wife used to punch me in the face every time she had an orgasm during sex, sometimes she would orgasm three or four times.

I didn’t mind so much until I found out she was faking them.

Jewish girl on the phone to her mother says “I’ve had enough I want to divorce my husband.”

“Why?” mom asks. “You have a nice house, a big car, two beautiful children, $3,000 a week to spend and 6 holidays a year, so why divorce him?”

The daughter replies “All he ever wants is Anal sex, when I married him my ass was like a dime, now its more like a half-dollar!”

“My god,” said mom “You’re divorcing him over forty cents?”

I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.

I really want to get laid.


2 Responses

  1. Those were great!! Thanks for the morning laugh!

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