The Mini Jokes Strike Back

You’ve miss them, haven’t you? Hey, I’m a nice guy so here’s another dose of many jokes. Turn around now if you don’t like to be offended.

My wife was talking to me for about 5 minutes, then she said, “You won’t tell anyone will you?”

“Your secret is safe with me,” I replied.

“You sure about that?”

“Yes,” I said, “because I wasn’t fucking listening.”

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, “I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does.” Joanne giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft.”

Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, “Well, what do you call your boyfriend?” Kathy frowned and said, “The postman.” Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, ”Why the postman?”

“Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box.”

My wife stuck her foot up my ass during sex last night.

To be fair, she did come in and catch me fucking her sister.

I called hotel management from the hotel room and said, “Please, come quick. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’ll jump out the window of your hotel.”

“That is a personal matter” answered the hotel manager.

“Fuck you!” I screamed. “The window won’t open so that’s a maintenance matter!”

I’ve heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children’s-oriented iPod after realizing that “iTouch Kids” is not a good product name.

Husband took the wife to a disco on the weekend.

There was a guy on the dance floor giving it large – breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works.

The wife turned to husband and said: “See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.”

Husband says, “Looks like he’s still fucking celebrating.”

The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

A miserable looking man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a triple whisky.

The Bartender raises an eyebrow and says, “That’s some pretty strong poison you’re ordering, you must be fucking miserable.”

The man says, “Well, I just found my wife in bed with my best friend, so yeah I’m feeling pretty bad.”

The Bartender is shocked by the man’s story so he gives him the drink on the house and asks him to tell the story.

“I came home and walked into our bedroom, then I saw them together. I told her that we were through and to pack her things.”

“And what did you do with your friend?” the Bartender inquired.

“I looked him right in the eye and I said, ‘Bad dog!'” he replied.


3 Responses

  1. Thanks for the laugh, mate!

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