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More Mini Jokes

As Alanis Morissette so eloquently put it once, life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face. Therefore, we need some side-splitting, comedic, humor-filled, funny jokes. They call me Mr. Thesaurus by the way 🙂 Enjoy…

“Happy 18th son! All these presents are just for you!”

After ripping them open excitedly, he said “Dad, all these boxes are empty…”

“I know. Use them to pack your things and get the fuck out.”

Two old Jewish men, Sid and Al, are sitting in a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles one day.

Sid asks Al, “Do you know of any people of our faith born and raised in Mexico?”

Al replies, “I don’t know, let’s ask our waiter.”

When the waiter arrives, Al asks, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”

The waiter says, “I don’t know, Senor, I ask the cooks.”

He returns from the kitchen a few minutes later and says, “No, Senor, the cook say no Mexican Jews.”

Al isn’t satisfied and asks, “Are you absolutely sure?”

The waiter, realizing he is dealing with ”Gringos,” replies, “I check once again, Senor.”

While the waiter is away, Sid says, “I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

The waiter returns and says, “Senor, the head cook say there is no Mexican Jews.”

Al asks, “Are you certain? I just can’t believe there are no Mexican Jews.”

The exasperated waiter says, “Senor, I ask EVERYONE. All we have is Orange Jews, Grape Jews, Prune Jews and Tomato Jews!”

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, “You obviously haven’t been listening.”

As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we’d like to do to each other.

She said, “I’ve always wanted to be handcuffed.”

So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, “I think my boobs are too small, I’m going to get a boob job.”

“Hmm,” I replied, “my hands are too small… what do you think I should do?”

“Do you want a hand job?”

She’s a keeper.

My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.

I was at the store late the other night, I was the last customer.

The cute girl at the register said “Strip Down, Facing Me”

It didn’t dawn on me that she was talking about swiping my Debit Card.

The Good news is, bail is not nearly as expensive as I thought it would be.


5 Responses

  1. A nice bright start to a very grim day. x Thanks Steve.

  2. Bahahah, Thanks Steve… Twas a good laugh…

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