• The President Killed His Wife
  • Counterblow
  • Never Bloodless
  • The Atomic Eagle
  • Sigma Division
  • The Kennedy Secret
  • The Gilded Treachery
  • Histats

Even more random jokes

I was on the train earlier when I accidently walked in on a girl using the bathroom.

I quickly apologised and closed the door.

“Can you get the fuck out?” She said.

So, these four 4 stars from each branch of service are having a discussion on which one of their branches have the most balls. It gets heated and there’s no real way to prove it so the Army general finally says, “Come with me guys, I’ll show you something.”

So, they head over to the nearest army base and the General finds the first soldier he runs accross. He says, “Soldier, I want you to take your rifle and shoot yourself dead!!”

The soldier sounds off, “YES SIR!” He pulls the rifle to his head and fires!

The general says, “THAT takes balls.”

The Air Force general says, “That’s nothing, lets go.” They head to the nearest AF base where the General finds the first pilot he can and says, “Captain, I want you to fly your jet into that mountain range and burn yourself alive!”

The pilot sounds off, “YES SIR!” and does so without thinking. He dies a fiery death.

The general, “THAT takes balls.”

The Marine Corp General, not to be outdone, says, “Come with me boys, I’ve got you beat.”

So, they head over to the nearest marine corp base and the General finds the first marine he runs accross. He says, “MARINE, I want you to lie down under that tank and let it CRUSH you feet first!”

The marine sounds off, “YES SIR!” He lays under the tank, it crushes him dead.

The General, “NOW THAT TAKES BALLS FAGGOTS!”

They all looked at the Navy Admiral, without pause he says, “You guys need to see this.”

They stepped aboard the USS Kitty Hawk and the Admiral looks up and finds a sailor working aloft over 100 ft in the air. He yells up, “SAILOR! I want you to jump down and kill yourself!”

Without hesitation the sailor calls back, “SIR, with all due respect, GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

The Admiral says, Now THAT takes balls boys.”

So let me get this straight. Women wear fake hair, nails, lashes, and contacts. They buy fake tits, lips, ass and get botox …but they want “a real man”?

Why does Facebook keep showing me advertisements for Christian Dating?

If there’s one thing I don’t need help with, it’s finding girls who won’t sleep with me.

Four nuns are killed and arrive at the Gates of Heaven. They line up in front of St Peter.

The first nun says “St Peter, I once saw a man’s penis. May I still enter?”

St Peter replies “Wash your eyes in this bowl of holy water and proceed.”

The second nun says “St Peter, I once touched a man’s penis. May I still enter?”

St Peter replies “Wash your hands in the bowl of holy water and proceed.”

St Peter suddenly notices a scuffle between the last two nuns. The fourth nun is trying to cut in front of the third nun. “What is going on?” he asks the fourth nun.

“I’m trying to go first so I can wash my mouth out before she sticks her ass in the bowl”.

My wife was preparing lunch today when she asked, “Sweetheart, where’s the cheese grater?”

“Some would say France, others would say England,” I replied.

Advertisements

2 Responses

  1. I enjoyed my laugh thanks Steve.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: