• The President Killed His Wife
  • Counterblow
  • Never Bloodless
  • The Atomic Eagle
  • Sigma Division
  • The Kennedy Secret
  • The Gilded Treachery
  • Histats

You’re not sensitive, are you? Let’s joke and find out!

I’ve heard — and told — my fair share of jokes in my day. Sometimes it feels like I’ve heard them all, you know. Consequently, I’m always happy when some new ones fall on my lap. I thought I would share a couple of doozies I’ve heard recently…

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, “Ah, I’m glad to see you’ve regained consciousness. You probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You’re going to be ok, you’ll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn’t find it.”

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, “You’ve got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don’t come cheap. It’s roughly $1,000 an inch.”

The man perks up.

“So,” the doctor says, “You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you’ve been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.”

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes I have,” says the man.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes,” says the man.

“What is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting granite countertops.”


A thirsty golfer is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn on the St. Andrews golf course.

A groundskeeper shouts:  “Dinnae drink tha waater! Et’s foo ae coo’s shite an pish!”

The golfer replies: “My goodness gracious fellow, I’m from India. Could you very please repeat that for me please, in a language that I can understand please!?!”

The keeper replies:  “I said: use two hands, you’ll spill less water that way!”

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: