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Here is why men are never depressed

Another little gem found on the Internet. If you’re not down with male chauvinism, you might be better off spending your time at yoga or something 😉

Why are men never depressed? They’re just happier people! What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental ~$100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

Men Are Just Happier People!!!

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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3 Responses

  1. Your last name stays put – so learn to love it Mr Shitz

    The garage is all yours – as long as you fix the blender, toaster, iron vacuum, kids toys, constantly fix the bathroom and kitchen sink and learn what the hell that bathroom accessory is before changing a hair straightener into a curling iron.

    Wedding plans take care of themselves – even though your constantly consulted, than scolded for disagreeing with table placements

    Chocolate is just another snack – that is stolen by wife

    You can be President – and be called an asshole and thanked for ruining the country by half the population

    You can never be pregnant – but will learn every gruesome detail, become an errand boy, make the weirdest dishes, become a massues, and learn that sleep is a privalage even before bub arrives

    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park – so that every gay man can assess you and if qualified may result in great flirtatious conversations that will leave you with an uncomfortable feeling of being wanted.

    You can wear NO shirt to a water park – the 300lbs man beside you decided to not wear one either, whilst he engages above conversation with you

    Car mechanics tell you the truth – and still overcharge you because now that you are mates, you won’t complain

    The world is your urinal – with added fines of indecent exposure and urinating in public.

    You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

    You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt – and refuse to acknowledge reverse threads may turn the other way

    Same work, more pay – unless you try to break into prostitution, stripping, sensual massaging and nursing.

    Wrinkles add character – even though the veteren no longer stands to attention

    Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental ~$100 – ya cheap barstards…

    People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them – but lower….

    New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet – unless in the labour force and those metetarsal boots near cut your toes off

    One mood all the time – horny

    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat – cause we don’t last long during phone sex either

    You know stuff about tanks – they roll, they shoot

    A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase – because you need to save your energy to carry the wifes three bags and the individual bags for each kid while she manages the children.

    You can open all your own jars – but still don’t know which pasta sauce to ise

    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness – if uses sparingly, women are catching on

    If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend – until they forget again. so you hold a big bash and forget to invite them but invite their wife and mistress

    Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack – which cut into your ass and corners of the groin.

    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough – because you can’t fit any more in the cupboard next to all the boxes of porn

    You almost never have strap problems in public – unless on the football field in front of thousands

    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes – but every woman will know you can’t fix that irin

    Everything on your face stays its original color – unless coal mining where you get a free eye lash and eye line darkener which refuses to lift until acetone is blinding you when scrubbing with your wifes nail brush

    The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades – cause style just never was our string point.

    You only have to shave your face and neck – but fuck up that goatee and you’ll have a crooked smile for a week

    You can play with toys all your life – yet walk into an adult toy shop and be called a pervert

    One wallet and one pair of shoes —one color for all seasons – both 10 years okd, refusing to admit they need replacing

    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look – ’cause crabs is easy to maintain with a quick shave and some metholated spirits

    You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife – cutting to short every time causing the cuts under the nails to smite during any task

    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache – resulting in a 70’s porn star or 80’s tv star wannabe look

    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes – when wife/ child free, and on a budget in the $2 store. Realizing the following that being cheap and in a rush results in 25 ties.

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