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Dead Fridge Walking – I know what it’s like to live like a caveman

Caution: rant ahead.

I moved this summer and it was high time to get new appliances. Shopping around, getting overly influenced by the sales guy, we finally settled on a nifty little fridge that was basically twice the size of our old one. Stainless steel, looks like a polished million bucks dipped in honey, has all these bells and whistles. We were especially impressed by the regular ice/crushed ice feature as some of us like cold beverages. Bill, if you’re reading this, this one’s for you.

After about six weeks, the icemaker stopped working. We followed the manual religiously, tried every workaround ever mentioned on the Internet. Nothing doing, the widget is on the fritz. Hey, we’re not big complainers around here so we let it go for the time being and just buy large bags of ice instead. Funny how these high-end refrigerators don’t come with cheap ice trays.

A week later the water dispenser does what the 99%ers are doing in the park: stopped working. Again, dust off the manual, hunt down some mysterious quick-fix in the darkest recesses of the inter-webs. This is not only a problem that can’t be fixed with duct tape and a hammer but the water dispenser was the big draw for us. In our town, the water supply doesn’t taste like a public pool and, with the filter cartridge in the fridge, it actually tastes wonderful. It was a way to get rid of our old water cooler and those 5-gallon jugs.

So we call the company. I don’t want to embarrass them so I won’t name them aside from giving you a very vague hint: it rhymes with SmitchenAid. They send a repairman over. The old fat dude is stymied by our state-of-the-art electronic wonder toy for a moment but when we tell him we don’t have ice and water anymore he brightens up.

“It’s the valve,” he says. “It’s always the valve.”

He tries a few button on the control panel and is satisfied by his assessment of the situation. Putting aside his electric drill/screwdriver, the only tool he brought, he pulls out his clipboard and fills an order.

“Shouldn’t take long,” he assures us.

The guy leaves.

Two weeks go by. In the meantime, we’ve been using bottled water we had and buying more. The guy comes back. He’s always in a good mood, I should say. He goes about pulling the fridge out of its confinement, not caring that he’s banging it around the walls and the kitchen island. Who cares? He’s having a wonderful day.

We tell him the fridge has been acting weird lately, the temperature isn’t consistent. Could it be the control panel? He waves it off, it’s just the valve. With his trusty electric drill/screwdriver, he does his thing behind the unit and changes the valve. He goes back to the front and plays with the control again. Bupkis.

“Yeah, might be the control panel. I’ll order one for you.”

Three weeks go by and we don’t have any news. So we call back SmitchenAid and the rep says they’ve had the needed part for over two weeks. Wonder-fucking-ful! It’s getting up on crunch time because we’re about to leave for Florida for the winter. More than that, we’re having a new problem now.

No matter what temperature we set the fridge at it gets way too cold. We can’t buy fresh fruits and vegetables anymore because they actually freeze. Ever try to quench your thirst with a bottle of water and the whole thing is frozen solid?

The guy says he’s sending back our repairman right away. How’s Saturday? Fine!

Stay tuned next week for the continuing saga of how a fridge can drive someone clinically insane!

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2 Responses

  1. […] we’re back to the epic adventure of the fridge-challenged! If you haven’t read part one already I encourage you to pour yourself a stiff drink and cry along with […]

  2. […] autumn when I simultaneously considered committing suicide and murder. You might want to consult Part One and Part Two to get up to speed on the matter, or maybe just to share my […]

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